Maintaining The Years Away

You might think you know, but you don’t. Maintenance is time consuming and

Oh, so

So

Exhausting.

Maintaining a love,
Long expired.
Stinky, from the leftover
Cheese
That she found.
It made her sick.
Remember the marshal?
He smelled like loss,
Heartbreak and ache.
Time doesn’t change the truth.
Your truth and what you felt
Back then.
It was true?
I never doubted the lies.
Even after my husband pulled
The knife out of my back.
Significant love does that.
Alongside your words,
Your heart; I never let go.
Whatever reason or spell
You may have cast
On my soul…
It’s still yours.

Moving Day

Originally posted on dilettante factory:

Life in flux living like a refugee a place I’ve been before bathing like a whore making appearances disappearing into an itchy womb that doesn’t feel like home but keeps me warm and dry but feeling broken and the worst part is that I did it too myself just me; me and no one else and that’s what really hurts but today today today it ends and today today today I can be made whole again but I’m terribly afraid that what’s broken cannot be mended (she tells me what’s broken can be mended and that everything’s going to be okay) and so I trust her I trust her I trust her I believe I want to believe, and can it really be the redhead this time convincing the skeptic it would appear so but how did we get this far apart, we used to be so close together could…

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Guilt

I’m the worlds worst parent.

I can’t lie.

There are worse.  But to me, I am the worst.

I do not beat my kids.  I try not to berate them.  Honesty goes a long way, though.

I don’t hide behind cupcakes and pto meetings.

I’m annoyed, more than I love.

What about those parents who have killed thier babies in hot cars?

Quite the “oops”.  

There is so much under this surface.

It might shock you.

I’m not evil, but on this surface I fail every damn day.

Fail my kids.  Fail me.

Run

b8a3d054586b59efa0e4196350a7da70

Tear it,

Because I don’t need that

anymore.

I could take apart the

pieces,

But that would result in

a bloody mess.

You would disregard

such actions.

Tear it

down.

From across the years your

insecurities shine bright

and true

when you run from those

explosions.

Fear takes over,

as you sprint toward

the pot o’ gold

over that faint rainbow.

Barf

shackledandcrowned:

Relevant thoughts.

Originally posted on chester maynes:

Ugly is when
you spill something
bad about other people
and they don’t even
have any hint of what
you are doing.

You think it is a
good joke when you
don’t realize how
mean it is to say
nasty things about
people whom you don’t
even personally know.

You hold that power
in you dirty tongue
and you destroy someone
through judgment and
obnoxious story-telling.

At the end of the day,
the conscience nips your
brain and reminds you
how cruel the words you
throw at other people.

You can’t fully sleep.
You can’t directly see
eye to eye.

Time to change,
time to behave,
time to apologize.

2015

View original

The Long Endeavor

2012-09-12 08.50.35

This is a long endeavor.
I feel like a fool,
But I can’t walk away from losing.
I was given nothing,
But this broken piece of glass,
And I still crave to grip it tight.
I want to feel it pierce my skin.
Feelings, revealed with that smile of his….
I could float in that place forever.
But things didn’t happen that way.
Our lives turned toward the galaxies.
Each, on their own.
It’s time I realize that he is happy-er
Today than he pretended to be,
a single moment,
with me and our conflicting hearts.
It sickens me.
My desire to hurt and watch.
Few, I would love to torture,
but this hate has managed to consume so much of me!
So much time.
So much kindness and peace,
Stolen by my own obsession.
A side that I hate.
Revolving cycle of hurt.
I pierce myself everyday.

Situation

IMG_1399

That day
That brought us here.
Moons ago,
With whipping wind
We held our guns,
To bang
The other.
Redemption, or a
Feeling, similar
Swept over my face.
Tickled my lashes
Like he used to.
Memories, that I thought were
Buried in my back yard
Rose through the rock
And flourished
Before me.
Before we
Had that chance to
Bury it with our own hands.
Darkness lightens over time.
At least from my view
We can dream this away
So I can take my road.
If you choose,
The devil may appear in your sleep.
Then,
I’ll haunt you forever.